Hey little boy! You always seem to smile when I say that, and it fills me with pride because you are always so serious. :) I had to work this weekend so your uncle Matt is taking care of you right now, but I was so happy that I got to get you up and feed you this morning. When I picked you up you were still in whiney sleep so when I laid you down on the changing table it was like you woke up to daddy. I said, "Hey little boy!" and you gave me the biggest smile that melted my heart. You were all smiles and snuggles through your changing and feeding. We had thirty minutes this morning, but I think we made the most of them.
I love you little boy!
Daddy
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
2 months 1 day
Last night you and I communicated. It was simple, but it was incredibly moving.
Your mom was holding you on her lap rocking you and you we a little fussy, but not making too much noise. I walked over to speak with your mother and you started staring at me. Mommy told me you were doing so, and when I looked down sure enough there you were looking straight at me. You have been known to look at things and people for a little bit so I didn't think it was a big deal, but this time you were staring at me for what must have been 5 minutes before I realized that you really saw me. As soon as I realized how locked on you were, I smiled and stared back at you. In that moment I had an overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation of you. Not for the you that was, or the You that is going to be, but just for the little you that I have and enjoy right now. No sooner had this emotion come to me that you broke out in the biggest smile and my eyes quickly filled with tears. Just then, when we thought we couldn't be any more moved by the moment we had just experienced, you cooed at me and the tears started exiting our eyes very rapidly. :) You were smiling and cooing at me for another few minutes. The English language does not have words for the feelings that I had in those few minutes, but I don't think I want to define it anyway.
I don't think I will ever forget our first conversation, and hopefully neither will you.
I Love you little boy.
Daddy
Your mom was holding you on her lap rocking you and you we a little fussy, but not making too much noise. I walked over to speak with your mother and you started staring at me. Mommy told me you were doing so, and when I looked down sure enough there you were looking straight at me. You have been known to look at things and people for a little bit so I didn't think it was a big deal, but this time you were staring at me for what must have been 5 minutes before I realized that you really saw me. As soon as I realized how locked on you were, I smiled and stared back at you. In that moment I had an overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation of you. Not for the you that was, or the You that is going to be, but just for the little you that I have and enjoy right now. No sooner had this emotion come to me that you broke out in the biggest smile and my eyes quickly filled with tears. Just then, when we thought we couldn't be any more moved by the moment we had just experienced, you cooed at me and the tears started exiting our eyes very rapidly. :) You were smiling and cooing at me for another few minutes. The English language does not have words for the feelings that I had in those few minutes, but I don't think I want to define it anyway.
I don't think I will ever forget our first conversation, and hopefully neither will you.
I Love you little boy.
Daddy
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
2 months
I found an article relating to music that states that a child hearing the music is doing nothing for them cognitively or otherwise. The child who studies music and plays an instrument may have better math scores, but just listening does no good. the following is true, and understandibly so.
"Even more significant is music that emanates from a parent herself. "Singing to your child is so important," says Sandra E. Trehub, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. "In contrast to recordings that sound exactly the same at every hearing, a mother fine-tunes her voice to her baby's needs. When her baby is cheerful, she sings in an upbeat voice. When she is fretful, Mom sings in a soothing manner. Since babies can't really regulate their own moods in the early months of life, a mother's singing plays a vital role here."
Trehub, who has studied cultures around the world and found music to be an integral part of every one of them, notes that singing to your baby also reinforces bonds between you. "The natural pleasure Mom gets from singing to her baby is amplified by her enjoyment. For the baby, those songs and the way they're sung become associated with pleasure, enjoyment, a sense of security, and good things in general."
"Even more significant is music that emanates from a parent herself. "Singing to your child is so important," says Sandra E. Trehub, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. "In contrast to recordings that sound exactly the same at every hearing, a mother fine-tunes her voice to her baby's needs. When her baby is cheerful, she sings in an upbeat voice. When she is fretful, Mom sings in a soothing manner. Since babies can't really regulate their own moods in the early months of life, a mother's singing plays a vital role here."
Trehub, who has studied cultures around the world and found music to be an integral part of every one of them, notes that singing to your baby also reinforces bonds between you. "The natural pleasure Mom gets from singing to her baby is amplified by her enjoyment. For the baby, those songs and the way they're sung become associated with pleasure, enjoyment, a sense of security, and good things in general."
Monday, May 23, 2005
1 month 3 weeks 6 days
I immediately thought of you when I read this story, and thats why I have decided to write this blog similar to the one I wrote your mother, but this time it's to you. The story that changed my mind follows.
I'm not sure which way to begin telling this story. I thought of a few ways, so I think I'll share them all.
What did you get on the day you graduated? A bunch of money, a car, a laptop, a fun night with friends? A shoebox? ..wait; a shoebox?
I watch the show Everwood. One of the main characters in the show, Ephram, just graduated high school. Ephram lives with his father, because his mother died when he was younger. As a graduation present, Ephram was presented with a present that his mother made years before his graduation, for him to open incase something happened and she couldn't be there. The book Oh, The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. That seems morbid, doesn't it? Well I now know it was nothing of the sort, it was one of the most thoughtful and caring gifts a person could ever give.
And now, my final introduction to the most special moment of my entire life. My first grade teacher assigned a project during my stay in her first grade class, eleven years ago. In May, before we finished the first grade, she assigned the class to create a time capsule project, where we would take a shoebox and fill it, with the help of our parents, with things we would like receive on the day of our graduation from high school. In May, eleven years ago, my mother was still alive. We would have to open this shoebox without her today.
Saturday, the day of graduation started like every other day. My dad came in my room and rubbed my back and talked to me until I woke up. He handed me my cell phone and I called Angelica to wake her up for the last time. I called her every school day to wake her. I showered, waited until the last minute to put my dress shirt, shoes and pants on. I was eager to get graduation done with. I wasn't ready for summer, or parties, I was ready for an old, worn shoebox I knew I had waiting on me at home. My dad probably thought I forgot about it, but the day before graduation I remembered I had a time capsule that needed opening the following day. We graduated, I walked, I moved my tassle to the right, all of that good stuff. My Dad, Brother, and Mimi all sat in the stands to cheer me on. For the first time in my life I felt like I made someone else proud and I had to hold back tears as I stood in line to walk across the stage. I remember my brother's hand, clenched into a fist raised in the air to cheer me on, and how big it made me smile, mostly on the inside, though.
We went to a friend's house to eat lunch and talk and have a good time with old, old friends. I realized I could have made more money that I actually did if only I had sent out acknowledgements to my close friends, family and neighbors. We talked about my family, our plans for the night, and everything in between. I finally got what I want when I heard my dad say that he was ready to go. I was ready go to, too. The car ride home was an anxious one. We arrived and I acted like I didn't think anything was coming my way. I nonchalantly walked into the kitchen to get some water, and I was greeted with five or six envelopes that I would soon discover were packed tight with money. Money, boy was I excited. How unappreciative does that sound? My thoughts were elsewhere, money was filler. My dad asked me if I wanted to open up my time capsule. We got it out and my dad said that we should wait for my brother, he remembers making the time capsule and he'd like to see it opened. I sat in my chair and waited nervously, apprehensively. I saw my brother walk in the front door and I sat up like someone smashed a gong beside my head. My brother came straight back to my room and the immediate family and Angelica, my girlfriend, began to gather.
I could feel my bottom lip shaking as I removed the tape from the top of the shoebox, I was still fearful of crying in front of everyone. I was then greeted with a roll of pennies, with wishes that I would invest them wisely, I was greeted with a rolled up piece of paper adorned with outlines of my then hands and feet, and a string that I once held in my hands and stretched down to my toes to measure my height. It was fun to look at these and realize how much I had grown, but this was all shoebox filler. I had my sights set on a little ziploc bag with envelopes addressed to me. I looked at an apron I made for my mom in class one day; attached to the apron I made was a note from my mom, written to me. It read:
"Brian,
This is the most special thing you have ever given me, you keep wanting me to wear it, but it'll get messed up if I do! So... we included it here, for safe keeping for the next ten years! I want it back!!
Love,
Mom"
I found three blue ribbons from field days I had at Lowell Elementary. Attached, was a note that read:
"Brian,
I thought you'd like to have these, you won one in Kindergarten and two in first grade. I was proud of you then and I'm proud of you now!
Love,
Mom"
By now, the family is crying, I can no longer read the notes aloud, I can barely speak without crying harder. Finally, I open the smaller white envelope addressed to me. I am, with more happiness than I could put into words, greeted with two pieces of paper, a letter. A letter to me, written by my mother, a letter that she wrote and knew we would open together on the day of my graduation. A letter, written by my mother, a person I hadn't communicated with in ten years, and today that finally was allowed to change. My mother, with more wisdom that I can fathom, on Sunday, May 22nd, 1994, wrote:
"My dearest Brian,
For you, this has been a good Sunday, uneventful, but good. Your dad and I took you to a park for a picnic. It was eventful for us. As we sat over the river, we tried to get you to smile, because we had noticed your smile had changed. As you fed the ducks, you smiled and you laughed, what a beautiful smile.
Every day we celebrate your childhood. Today with another new smile, another new laugh we're here with you to celebrate a new beginning! I know you must be proud, as you should be. A new world is awaiting you! Grab it, it is yours! Anything you want, you should surely have. With your kind heart, your lust for life and your strong determination for life you will have what you strive for... no matter what it may be!
Today, in 1994 you're so young and innocent, it makes me wish you could always be this age and never grow up, but you are my baby now in 1994 as you are now, a graduate!
Take each day as it comes and with a grain of salt, try to keep a good attitude, be positive and believe in yourself! You can do or be anything you want to be. Anything you decide to do with your life can be done, with hard work and patience! Although, sometimes, you'll wonder, "Can I do it?" Dont ever forget... believe in yourself! If you want something bad enough you can do it! As you're graduating from high school I still see you as an infant, a seven year old and today as a young man, but I will always see you through the eyes of love.
I love you Brian!
With all my heart and soul,
Mom
Congratulations!!!"
I read this to myself as my family watched, and I could do nothing but cry. Tears flowed down my face as I looked up, and my dad hugged me, crying. I had not see him cry since the day we found that my mom had died. I made eye contact with my brother as I cried and I saw he was crying too and I broke down, and told him to hug me. We shared something, we both knew what it felt like to have a mother stolen away. If there were a way to save moments from one's life, I would save that hug.
I'll step foot in my elementary school for the first time in 8 years sometime this week. My father and I want to thank my first grade teacher for changing my life, for having the wisdom to assign such a project. She introduced me to the person my mother really was, because, before that day, I knew of my mother, but when I read the notes and letter addressed to me, I was able to finally meet my mother and see what she was like. I will thank my first grade teacher this week for introducing me to my mother.
I'm not sure which way to begin telling this story. I thought of a few ways, so I think I'll share them all.
What did you get on the day you graduated? A bunch of money, a car, a laptop, a fun night with friends? A shoebox? ..wait; a shoebox?
I watch the show Everwood. One of the main characters in the show, Ephram, just graduated high school. Ephram lives with his father, because his mother died when he was younger. As a graduation present, Ephram was presented with a present that his mother made years before his graduation, for him to open incase something happened and she couldn't be there. The book Oh, The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. That seems morbid, doesn't it? Well I now know it was nothing of the sort, it was one of the most thoughtful and caring gifts a person could ever give.
And now, my final introduction to the most special moment of my entire life. My first grade teacher assigned a project during my stay in her first grade class, eleven years ago. In May, before we finished the first grade, she assigned the class to create a time capsule project, where we would take a shoebox and fill it, with the help of our parents, with things we would like receive on the day of our graduation from high school. In May, eleven years ago, my mother was still alive. We would have to open this shoebox without her today.
Saturday, the day of graduation started like every other day. My dad came in my room and rubbed my back and talked to me until I woke up. He handed me my cell phone and I called Angelica to wake her up for the last time. I called her every school day to wake her. I showered, waited until the last minute to put my dress shirt, shoes and pants on. I was eager to get graduation done with. I wasn't ready for summer, or parties, I was ready for an old, worn shoebox I knew I had waiting on me at home. My dad probably thought I forgot about it, but the day before graduation I remembered I had a time capsule that needed opening the following day. We graduated, I walked, I moved my tassle to the right, all of that good stuff. My Dad, Brother, and Mimi all sat in the stands to cheer me on. For the first time in my life I felt like I made someone else proud and I had to hold back tears as I stood in line to walk across the stage. I remember my brother's hand, clenched into a fist raised in the air to cheer me on, and how big it made me smile, mostly on the inside, though.
We went to a friend's house to eat lunch and talk and have a good time with old, old friends. I realized I could have made more money that I actually did if only I had sent out acknowledgements to my close friends, family and neighbors. We talked about my family, our plans for the night, and everything in between. I finally got what I want when I heard my dad say that he was ready to go. I was ready go to, too. The car ride home was an anxious one. We arrived and I acted like I didn't think anything was coming my way. I nonchalantly walked into the kitchen to get some water, and I was greeted with five or six envelopes that I would soon discover were packed tight with money. Money, boy was I excited. How unappreciative does that sound? My thoughts were elsewhere, money was filler. My dad asked me if I wanted to open up my time capsule. We got it out and my dad said that we should wait for my brother, he remembers making the time capsule and he'd like to see it opened. I sat in my chair and waited nervously, apprehensively. I saw my brother walk in the front door and I sat up like someone smashed a gong beside my head. My brother came straight back to my room and the immediate family and Angelica, my girlfriend, began to gather.
I could feel my bottom lip shaking as I removed the tape from the top of the shoebox, I was still fearful of crying in front of everyone. I was then greeted with a roll of pennies, with wishes that I would invest them wisely, I was greeted with a rolled up piece of paper adorned with outlines of my then hands and feet, and a string that I once held in my hands and stretched down to my toes to measure my height. It was fun to look at these and realize how much I had grown, but this was all shoebox filler. I had my sights set on a little ziploc bag with envelopes addressed to me. I looked at an apron I made for my mom in class one day; attached to the apron I made was a note from my mom, written to me. It read:
"Brian,
This is the most special thing you have ever given me, you keep wanting me to wear it, but it'll get messed up if I do! So... we included it here, for safe keeping for the next ten years! I want it back!!
Love,
Mom"
I found three blue ribbons from field days I had at Lowell Elementary. Attached, was a note that read:
"Brian,
I thought you'd like to have these, you won one in Kindergarten and two in first grade. I was proud of you then and I'm proud of you now!
Love,
Mom"
By now, the family is crying, I can no longer read the notes aloud, I can barely speak without crying harder. Finally, I open the smaller white envelope addressed to me. I am, with more happiness than I could put into words, greeted with two pieces of paper, a letter. A letter to me, written by my mother, a letter that she wrote and knew we would open together on the day of my graduation. A letter, written by my mother, a person I hadn't communicated with in ten years, and today that finally was allowed to change. My mother, with more wisdom that I can fathom, on Sunday, May 22nd, 1994, wrote:
"My dearest Brian,
For you, this has been a good Sunday, uneventful, but good. Your dad and I took you to a park for a picnic. It was eventful for us. As we sat over the river, we tried to get you to smile, because we had noticed your smile had changed. As you fed the ducks, you smiled and you laughed, what a beautiful smile.
Every day we celebrate your childhood. Today with another new smile, another new laugh we're here with you to celebrate a new beginning! I know you must be proud, as you should be. A new world is awaiting you! Grab it, it is yours! Anything you want, you should surely have. With your kind heart, your lust for life and your strong determination for life you will have what you strive for... no matter what it may be!
Today, in 1994 you're so young and innocent, it makes me wish you could always be this age and never grow up, but you are my baby now in 1994 as you are now, a graduate!
Take each day as it comes and with a grain of salt, try to keep a good attitude, be positive and believe in yourself! You can do or be anything you want to be. Anything you decide to do with your life can be done, with hard work and patience! Although, sometimes, you'll wonder, "Can I do it?" Dont ever forget... believe in yourself! If you want something bad enough you can do it! As you're graduating from high school I still see you as an infant, a seven year old and today as a young man, but I will always see you through the eyes of love.
I love you Brian!
With all my heart and soul,
Mom
Congratulations!!!"
I read this to myself as my family watched, and I could do nothing but cry. Tears flowed down my face as I looked up, and my dad hugged me, crying. I had not see him cry since the day we found that my mom had died. I made eye contact with my brother as I cried and I saw he was crying too and I broke down, and told him to hug me. We shared something, we both knew what it felt like to have a mother stolen away. If there were a way to save moments from one's life, I would save that hug.
I'll step foot in my elementary school for the first time in 8 years sometime this week. My father and I want to thank my first grade teacher for changing my life, for having the wisdom to assign such a project. She introduced me to the person my mother really was, because, before that day, I knew of my mother, but when I read the notes and letter addressed to me, I was able to finally meet my mother and see what she was like. I will thank my first grade teacher this week for introducing me to my mother.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
1 month 3 weeks 1 day
This morning was a very happy time. I was happy to see the baby woke up before I had to go to work this morning. (I don;t usually go see him as I don't want to wake him up and his poor mother have to deal with him when she'd rather get some sleep.)
He was doing that half hearted cry thing and only once every minute or two. Kinda like, "hey I'm awake can someone come pick me up?". When I went in the babies room I looked into his crib and said "Good morning handsome!", and he quieted right down. I picked him up and placed him on the changing pad and started to talk to him and I gave him a good morning kiss on the face to which he crunched up his shoulders and smiled at me. Of course I was beaming, and immediately pummled him with kisses.
He was doing that half hearted cry thing and only once every minute or two. Kinda like, "hey I'm awake can someone come pick me up?". When I went in the babies room I looked into his crib and said "Good morning handsome!", and he quieted right down. I picked him up and placed him on the changing pad and started to talk to him and I gave him a good morning kiss on the face to which he crunched up his shoulders and smiled at me. Of course I was beaming, and immediately pummled him with kisses.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
THINGS WE KEEP
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My little sister sent this to me. It WAS a chain letter type thing, but I have removed all the bullshit to give you the good part about the letter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things.
A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just nice to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there
isn't any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... while we have it... it's best we love it.... and care for it... and fix it when it's broken...... and heal it when it's sick.
This is true. for marriage..... and old cars.... and children with bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips.... and aging parents..... and grandparents. We
keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important,like people we know who are special..... and so, we keep them close!
My little sister sent this to me. It WAS a chain letter type thing, but I have removed all the bullshit to give you the good part about the letter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things.
A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just nice to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there
isn't any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... while we have it... it's best we love it.... and care for it... and fix it when it's broken...... and heal it when it's sick.
This is true. for marriage..... and old cars.... and children with bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips.... and aging parents..... and grandparents. We
keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important,like people we know who are special..... and so, we keep them close!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
1 month 2 weeks 4 days
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
-- Robert Brault
I found this quote today, and it made me cry. I decided to post it for you, but I am going to stop writing because I am work and I look silly crying.
-- Robert Brault
I found this quote today, and it made me cry. I decided to post it for you, but I am going to stop writing because I am work and I look silly crying.
Friday, May 13, 2005
1 month 2 weeks 3 days
Gavin,
Today you played with daddy when he got home! We played Patty Cake and you actually smiled when I would clap your hands. All I could think is please keep smiling till I get the camera! :) Sure enough you did, and your mother and I have a new favorite picture.
Today you played with daddy when he got home! We played Patty Cake and you actually smiled when I would clap your hands. All I could think is please keep smiling till I get the camera! :) Sure enough you did, and your mother and I have a new favorite picture.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
1 month 2 weeks
I know I have mentioned before that I wasn't awe struck by my sons arrival, and that still holds true, but I do find that I love him more and more each day. I had a 4 day weekend this week and I really started to enjoy being with him yesterday. Gavin is getting a little more fussy, and I can actually watch him learning how to coordinate getting his hand to his mouth. Sometimes he just punches himself in the face and I can't help but giggle. He knows Lori and I of course, and he is not phased by the occasional lick in the face by our pug Trinity. I am so happy that I am growing to love this little creature. :) He is fascinating.
Gavin and I actually played yesterday. Sort of. I put him on the play mat on his belly and let him do some baby push-ups. :) (baby sit-ups consist of him lifting his enormous head off the mat and looking around before tiring out and flopping back on the mat like a fish out of water.) He was looking around to find me and seemed puzzled when he saw me when he turned to one side but not the other.
All in all I am enjoying being a daddy, and I am taking the advice of my uncle and enjoying the Gavin I have now because I will never have this Gavin back. (This advice, incidentally, made me cry.)
Gavin and I actually played yesterday. Sort of. I put him on the play mat on his belly and let him do some baby push-ups. :) (baby sit-ups consist of him lifting his enormous head off the mat and looking around before tiring out and flopping back on the mat like a fish out of water.) He was looking around to find me and seemed puzzled when he saw me when he turned to one side but not the other.
All in all I am enjoying being a daddy, and I am taking the advice of my uncle and enjoying the Gavin I have now because I will never have this Gavin back. (This advice, incidentally, made me cry.)
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Happy Mothers Day!
Today is Loris first Mothers Day, and it was very nice. I have been working on turning my last site into a scrap book to give to her for Mothers Day, but as it turns out it was impossible to hide this massive project from her so she has actually helped me a bit. I included some photos of what it looks like right now.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
1 month 1 week
We are pretty sure he is making some sounds intentionally. (Who the hell knows really.) :) We are pretty excited anyway. :) Yesterday I was holding him and he was just laying there while I gave him kisses all over his face. It was cute. :) There is definitely a difference in him in the last week. Knowing and tenative looks being the most obvious. It almost as if you can watch them learn something as you sit there. Kinda neat.
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