1 month 4 days

Being the second oldest of 6 I have always had the mind set that if something happened to my parents, my older brother and I would have to take care of the kids. (not that this was a practical thought process, but that's where I was in my head.) This thought pattern was developed when I was very young so I always went through scenarios of what would I do if my parents died. It was a sad thought, but one I was prepared to face with strength if it should occur.

What I hadn't figured into my simple equation was the not so simple arrival of my first child. Now that I have my son, not a day goes by that I don't think, "I wonder what my dad was thinking in this situation?", or "I should ask my dad about this.". All of a sudden I am speaking and identifying with my father in a whole new way. It is a peculiar thing, now that I am almost 30 I need him more than ever. I can't imagine losing him.

1 month 1 day

I had the scare of my life tonight. (the first of many I am sure) It was about 7:30pm and I was feeling pretty sick so I was laying in bed. Lori was downstairs with the baby and he was being a bit fussy. Eventually the baby quited down and I was able to relax. All of a sudden I heard Lori call to me in her panic voice "Mike come here!". I must have flown straight form bed out the bedroom door and down the first three steps before I heard her next words "Trinity..." my heart was racing and all of my infant rescue techniques were going through my head. Respiratory failure is the number one cause of heart failure in infants. Infant airways are easily occluded. 5 to 1 compressions for infant CPR. God help me if he's not breathing... A split second later I was at the bottom of the steps, and she clarified that Trinity (our dog) was have an allergic reaction to the vaccination she got today. I about passed out from relief. For the record Trinity doesn't get her dystemper shots anymore because the last one almost killed her. We rushed to walgreens and got some Benadryl and the sweeling seems to be going down now. I guess the Benadryl and Cortizone they gave her before her Rabies shot didn't stop her from reacting.

Damn dog.

3 weeks 6 days

How is it that this child makes me want to ignore all that is wrong in the world only to show him the good? I don't know where the balance lies in this endeavor. Do I point out that the creation of the Federal Reserve bank was an act of treason and a violation of the constitution? (when he is old enough to understand of course) Do I let him continue in the bliss that the other 99.9% of children will live and die in. Ignorance is bliss. Daddy help me! What do I do?

Meanwhile I can't help but smile when I look at him, and think maybe he is going to help me lighten up a bit. :) He did pee on my bed twice and poop in my hand this weekend, so that was nice. hehehe

Thats a SUPER CUTE KID! :) 

In the towel his auntie Virginia made for him after a bath.

Gavin after a bath. 

3 weeks 1 day old

Yesterday at work I found myself wanting to hold my baby. It was a strange feeling. I was looking at his little face on my computer and it made me smile.

My father told me that the only thing you truly have control of in this life is your integrity. The more I think about my fathers wisdom the more I understand his advice. The more I understand the more I worry.

A Fathers Heart

I imagine if you spoke to any father with a son what I am about to write has gone through his head.

"If only he could learn from my mistakes." How many fathers out there feel the same way? How many of us have expectations of our sons that they will never live up to? Do we lower the bar? Tell our sons "We have arrived!" and pretend like we are the thing he should aspire to be?

I wonder if my son will ever live up to my expectations for him to be more than I am. I look back on my own life and think I have failed my father by not becoming more than he is. Am I just taking his place in the rat race? Did I let him down? I know he will say I didn't if I ask him, but I'm sure I would say the same to my son. I am sure that there is something inside of him that is disappointed what has come of my life. It seems like the son can never learn from the mistakes of his father he is just doomed to repeat them and find himself thinking the same things that his father did.

My father always told me I could do anything I put my mind to, and I believed him. I suppose I never put my mind to much. Sorry dad.

2 weeks old

The last 2 weeks have been pretty crazy. I have been up since 4:30 this morning "little bugger" and I was glad to do it. Lori slept like a rock after I got up with Gavin. She even slept through my alarm. Lori is the lightest sleeper I have ever met so she must have been exhausted to sleep through the alarm, poor thing.

We have been reading a book about healthy sleep habits in children and unfortunately the first month is not mentioned. :)

Even now, I have to resist the urge to call her, and see how things are going. I know she is sleeping, and she needs it.

Today is my first day at my new job, and I am becoming accustomed to how things work. I have read about a hundred emails already from the week I was gone. Sheesh! :)

6 days old

Some of you may know that we have two pug dogs. Trinity is the older and Daisey the younger. Trinity has a jealousy problem and Daisey barks whenever she hears a baby cry or sees and depiction of an animal, drawn or otherwise, moving across the TV screen. We had been worrying the entire pregnancy how the dogs were going to take to the baby given their "traits".

Yesterday, since it was such a beautiful day, Lori had the window open, and a baby let out a cry that was audible through the open window. Trinity raised her head and looked right at Lori as if to say "hey you gonna get that?". When the second burst or crying echoed through the window Trinity got up looked at Lori and walked to the babies door and laid down. Lori felt really good that Trinity seems to be helping out rather than just being jealous. I think she might just be saying "shut this kid up hes through this door here". Time will tell.

The End of an Era

My previous work on my other site is finished and this blog is a bit of a new beginning. I doubt this will be near as interesting, but I have been tossing around a few ideas in my head about how I can make a tired thing new again.

I thought I would chronicle the life of my family as a way of getting things off my chest (writing is my oulet) and just sharing my mind. Then it hit me. Maybe Lori and I should have two seperate blogs that the other doesn't read, but you can get an honest look at both the mother and the fathers side of raising our first child.

Just a thought, but I think it would be interesting for others to read both perspectives. As of yet it is just an idea tho.