Tuesday, August 16, 2005

20 Weeks

Mommy is so proud of his big boy! Last week I was rocking you, I knew you were tired but you just kept wiggling and wiggling so i got fed up and I put you in your bed awake. You cried for about 10 minutes and all of a sudden, it's quiet. Oh my gosh! You put your self to sleep! Let me just say, every other time we tried this you screamed bloody murder until we just couldn't take it any more and picked you up. You finally learned how to put your self to sleep, with help by your thumb, which by the way you have never done that before either. Now every night we put you in bed awake and there is hardly a peep from you. Naps are a different story, you still like to give us a hard time when we put you down awake but every once in a while you go to sleep without a hitch. We are getting there.
You have also slept all the way through the night five nights in a row now! Sometimes you wake up and start crying but if I give you a few minutes you find your thumb and fall back to sleep on your own. :) Yay!! Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the 5:00 am feeding and snuggle but it is nice to know you can handle the whole night on your own.

I Love You Sweetheart,
Mommy

Go Team! Posted by Picasa

Hugging the beanie baby Posted by Picasa

Lil Builder Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 05, 2005

18 weeks 3 days

If daddy gets grey hairs he knows who to blame. Savannah was visiting and sleeping in your crib when you fell asleep in my arms. I carried you upstairs to lay you down to sleep on my bed. I hedged you in with pillows on both sides of the bed so you wouldn't roll off. I didn't put one at your head because I saw that it was a long way to the edge of the bed for you to scooch, and you usually roll over first when you wake up, so I scolded myself for being paranoid, and left you to sleep in peace.

About an hour after I laid you down I heard a loud thump upstairs. Panic gripped me, and I must have gone white as I raced upstairs. My mind was racing and I prayed you were conscious. When I got to the room I saw the bed was empty, and I am sure you were crying but for some reason I couldn't hear it until I set eyes on you. My thoughts said "He's conscious he's crying and all his appendages are moving, and that's good." then the doubt slipped in "what if its a slight fracture? Don't pick him up and call the ambulance." Despite those thoughts I swooped you up and hugged you tight, my heart broken for my poor little boy. As I brought you downstairs my heart was still racing and grandma and grandpa were very compassionate towards us both. You were already smiling by this time and that made me happy.

The rest of the night I fought tears trying not to blame myself and even now I am a bit teary. Grandpa had a good time razing me for scaring him half to death with all my stunts when I was little where I hurt myself. While he was reassuring me that it was fine I tried to express myself by saying, "It's not what happened it's what COULD HAVE happened that has me upset." grandpa smirked at me. In that moment, all the times I was playing with fireworks or jumping off the garage and climbing 30 feet up a tree came back to me, and I could hear grandpas voice after I told him "It's fine dad nothing happened. I'm fine." and he would tell me "Son, It's not what happened that worries me it's what could have happened." In that moment I found a new bond with my daddy, and a new fear for things to come. I felt bad all over again for pretending Rob fell out of the tree in the house in Elgin, and for riding my BigWheel in the street.

I can only pray that God watches over you like he did for me, because daddies don't really see everything we just know a lot about probability, and that's what scares us the most.

I Love you Son,
Daddy

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

18 weeks

You are making the craziest noise lately. It makes me laugh. :) It's kind of a raspy growl and I think you were copying me when you started doing it, but now you just keep on doing it. It cracks me up!