My Love Actually

Protector

2011-07-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

It has been ingrained in my head since I was very young to protect my younger siblings at all costs. It is a memory so old I don't even remember being taught it - one that I have always taken very seriously. It stands to reason that I would pass this on to my children so that they would also do the same.

I think I began imparting this lesson to Gavin when he was 3 and his little brother Logan was born, and I have continued it with Logan now that Dylan has been born. The power of this lesson was thrust back in my face recently when Gavin was inside doing his homework and Logan was outside playing with a neighbor boy. Gavin while sitting at the table doing his homework looked out the window and did not see his brother Logan in the backyard. Gavin was immediately panicked and said, "Oh no Logan is down by the pond and he could fall in!". To which I answered, "You boys go near the pond every day why are you worried now?". Gavin looked at me with intense concern on his face and said, "This time I am not there to protect him." I assured him that I would check on Logan and make sure he was alright. Gavin relented and was relieved to find out Logan was on the other side of the bushes and not near the water. All at once I was impacted by the force of his concern and the power of the lesson I had passed on to him.

Having had that experience I now ask myself if that is the right thing to have done...

Welcome Baby Dylan to the Family!

2011-03-31T23:50:00.000-07:00

Dylan Matthew was born into the family today at 11:29pm he is 7lbs 10ozs and 20inches long. He is a tiny one in comparison to the two previous giants, but what a sweetheart.

Oh Beee-have baby!

2011-03-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago Logan and I were sitting at the table and Logan was asking me who he could marry. "Can I marry daddy?" I said "Nooo I am married to daddy" "Can I marry Gavin?" "Nooo that's silly!" I said. "Can I marry you?" "Nooo I am married to Daddy" Then he thinks for a minute and says this... "First I'm gonna get a girlfriend, then I'm gonna marry her, then, I'm gonna shag her." I had such a hard time not laughing, it was excruciating!

The Leprechaun

2011-03-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

Gavin came sprinting off the bus today yelling to Mike about how the Leprechaun came into their class room and turned over all of the chairs and he needed to catch the Leprechaun. From that point on he was obsessed with catching the Leprechaun. That's all he did all afternoon into the evening. He set a trap with Chuck E. Cheese tokens in it and jelly beans leading to the tokens.

Our Cassanova

2011-02-20T21:22:00.000-08:00

Today Gavin and I were at a wrestling tournament so mommy had to take Logan to skating because she had a competition today. Logan was quite a big hit with the girls. They thought he was the cutest thing. Mommy was getting a kick out of it because he was eating it up. After a while Logan came over to her and said, "Mommy, one of these girls here is beautiful". Mommy was very intrigued to know just who Logan was talking about and said, "Oh yeah who's that?" and he said in a rather coy manner with a little grin, "You are.". Mommy was simultaneously melted and very worried by this ability to execute flattery so effortlessly. We are going to have quite the handful here.

Wrestling - A Lesson Learned

2010-12-28T22:43:00.000-08:00

Gavin,

Today you had to go to wrestling without me. It is always a chore to send you alone because you cry and get all worked up about it. Today you toughed it out and didn't cry at all. When mommy told me that you also cut open one of the sores on your knee and you didn't cry about the blood I was teary eyed with pride. Not because I had done anything for you, but because you acheived it without me.

"I think that the greatest benefit from wrestling is learning to face challenges and to demand the most from yourself. You learn to fight when you think there is no more fight left within you. You learn to get up after you’ve fallen, time and time again. You learn about sacrifice and about pain. You learn to endure and to overcome. This is what I want for you, not because I wrestled, but because these lessons are the true gifts of this sport."
-Allen Takata.

This is what I want for you and today you took a giant step in that direction. You were on your own.

I Love You,
Daddy

New Baby Coming!

2010-11-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

We just found out the new baby is going to be a boy! Logan is super excited and sings to the baby and talks to mommies tummy every day. He is so excited to be a big brother finally he asks when mommy is gonna get the baby out everytime Lori has a doctors appointment. Gavin really wanted it to be a girl so he was a little disappointed when he heard it was a boy.

Gavin is wrestling now and had his first tournament today! He was very brave and went out there and gave it his all, but he ended up losing 3 times and got 4th place out of 4. I was very proud of him for working hard. He learned that we never give up no matter what.

Little Jokester

2010-04-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

The other day we were driving in the car and Gavin was telling some nonsensical knock knock jokes and we were trying to explain why they weren't funny and why other jokes were funny. While Gavin is mulling over the concept Logan pipes up.

Logan: "Knock knock"

Mommy: "Who's there"

Logan: "Poopie"

Mommy: "Poopie who?"

Logan: "Poopie YOU!"

Needless to say we started cracking up. Gavin was not pleased at how hard we laughed at that joke so an explanation was required. We explained that since he was 2 we did not expect him to construct his own joke and that made it funny. We did not get into the finer points of that fact that the joke was constructed such that it made the recipient of the joke the butt of the joke. Logans comedic timing is still pretty darn good for 2 years old despite the fact that it was likely an accidental success.

Love

2010-02-13T19:48:00.001-08:00

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

A trip to Uncle Lanes

2009-11-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we take a trip to Kentucky to see Uncle Lanes farm. You boys are so excited! After watching the John Deere tractor video a million times I wonder what you will think of a real farm. Gavin you can't stop talking about the horses at Uncle Lanes and Logan just calls every farm, tractor, and plaid button up shirt Opa! :) I am really looking forward to the road trip. It was always my favorite part about vacation when I was growing up. Everyone in the car singing songs or playing games. We got to go to the Waffle House and make Pecan (pee-can) jokes all the way to Florida. It's gonna be fun!

Best Friends

2009-11-25T14:34:00.000-08:00

Gavin,

Last week you and Logan were fighting and you said you didn't want Logan to be your friend and daddy told you that your brother is the best friend you can have in the world just like uncle Matt and daddy. You were kind of sad as you always are when daddy has a serious talk with you, but a couple days later Papa asked you who was your best friend and you told him Jack and LoLo. Daddy is so proud that you remembered what he said about being best friends with your brother. Friends can stop being your friend at any time, but your brother will always be your brother.

Love,
Daddy

The Watcher

2009-10-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

It's midnight and I watched you sleeping. Quiet - fragile - repose. I see you every day so it's almost like I can't tell, but I remember you much smaller. It's like other children I once knew, but they're all you. It was a moment ago, but in the grand scheme of things it's like I am living the entire industrial revolution through from Horses to Space Shuttles. You are a century away from the babies that kept me up all night. You're beautiful and intelligent and self aware. Learning at a speed I can only dream about. Unencumbered - free - sojourning. I spare no toil to raise you right - the effort from which has aged me ten years.

My boys.

I know one day you'll be men. But for now I am the watcher.

Good Night.

How Can Two Halves Of Me Be So Different?

2009-10-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Logan,

When you were in mommies tummy I wrote an online journal for your mom and I recently read it again. Needless to say, some entries got me thinking. In the blog I write about Gavin and I praying for you to be a healthy little brother and how Gavin would kiss mommies tummy every night and how I imagined you sitting next to Gavin watching TV. It must explain that little flutter I feel in my heart when I see you two next to each other resting and watching TV. In another entry I think I found the reason you like when daddy rubs your back and why your most commonly used word was "book" right before bed. Finally, did you know that the place we went camping for your birthday was a place I first wrote about when you were in mommies tummy?

So many things to write about, but it's so easy just to sit back and enjoy you when I should be writing some of these things down. I will try to be more dilligent.

Love,
Daddy

The Same Old Story

2009-07-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

Lori,

Not a day goes by that I don't thank God that you are my wife. I know I tell you this all the time, but I think it's a good thing that you are probably sick of hearing it. But I would rather you hear it too much than assume you knew how much I appreciate you. You are everything I always wanted in a woman and a whole bunch of things I didn't know I wanted. If I am anything in this world it is because God gave me you. I love you till death. I'm never letting go...Ever.

Mike

I hope you Dance

2008-12-21T20:57:00.000-08:00

Gavin and Logan

I think alot about what kind of men I am raising. I wonder how many times I have to say something for it to stick. Will you become the men I teach you to be or the man that I am in spite of my direction. I feel like my dad still always has such great advice and I struggle to answer the questions of a 3 year old sometimes. The bitch of it is that I have always held my father in such high regard, and now that I am a man I see flaws. I feel so vulnerable knowing that my boys will one day grow up to analyze and judge me. It brings me to tears knowing that one day I will let them down either in reality or in perception. I guess that is why I write this blog. I want you guys to know where my head is at. I don't even know if thats a good thing that you know where my head is at or if the mystery of what I am thinking is better. Just know that I love you both more than life itself and would do anything to make you proud to call me daddy.

-Daddy

A night time prayer

2008-12-09T20:55:00.000-08:00

Gavin,

Tonight was just like any other night. Mommy and I read you a story before bed and we prayed. You wanted me to carry you to bed because you think it is hilarious when I pretend to bump your head on the door jams as I carry you to your room. Each time we passed a door or door jam I would pretend I didn't notice that you were going to run into it and *bump* you would let out shrieks of laughter every time. After 4 or 5 bumps we got to your room and quietly put you in bed. "We don't want to wake Logan", I said. I gave you a hug and a kiss and you whispered to me "Daddy I scared" in that little accent you have that leaves out all the R's. I told you as I always do that there is no reason to be scared and if you feel scared you can just ask Jesus to help you and he will and you will feel better. You said, "ok" and I kissed you and walked out of the room and closed the door. As I was about two steps away I heard a little voice in your room. At first I was angry that you were talking because I didn't want you to wake Logan. I started back to the door in a huff, but for some reason I stopped and listened for a second. My heart broke when I heard your little voice saying, "Jesus I scared" over and over again. I was proud and shattered all at once. I walked in the room and knelt down and hugged you and asked, "Is Jesus helping you?" you looked at me a smiled and said, "Yes he is". "I told you he would" I said barely keeping my voice from cracking. One more kiss and I was out the door to tell mommy the story so she could cry right along with me. I don't want to forget this moment so I am typing this at 11 at night.

Peter Pan

2008-11-16T06:51:00.000-08:00

When I was little I never wanted to grow up. My mom would tell me that she wanted to put me in a box to keep me small forever, "OK! I want to be like Peter Pan. I don't want to grown up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid." I'd say.

Today before going to church we were watching the movie Hook in which Peter Pan is played by Robin Williams and he is all grown up and has forgotten all about Neverland and now he has kids of his own who are kidnapped by Captain Hook played by Dustin Hoffman and taken back to Neverland. My own children were sitting on my lap entranced by the mermaids under the water in Neverland and I was reminiscing about how clever this movie was. Then came the part where Rufio puts down the ultimatum saying if you think this is Peter Pan you stay on that side of the line. Only one child a small boy stood there examining Robin Williams face, and walking around him. Finally he pushed back his cheeks into a forced smile and said "There you are Peter!". With that Gavin jumped off my lap and began to run around playing and throwing stuff like they were doing when trying to catch Peter, and I saw myself 3 years old with not a care in the world, and I started to cry.

O how Peter Pan has grown up, but its ok because even tho I hurt when I wake up and I have little Peter Pans of my own I am trying to keep my promise when I play spaceship, buy toys that I think are cool for my boys, do silly stuff and sometimes encourage naughty behavior. Even tho In have grown up, I am still a Toys 'R' Us kid. Thanks mom I wouldn't have near as much fun without you.

Knock Knock...

2008-09-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

It's most obvious on nights like tonight. I'm working, and it's quiet. The noise of my boys running around is gone, and I sit alone. That's when I appreciate them the most. The cute things they do like Gavin saying something crazy or wanting to wrestle out of nowhere or Logan coming up to me and manuevering his head so his face is between me and whatever I am doing which is causing me not to look at him at that moment. The thing I am looking at is usually the computer monitor. With my dad it was the TV or the newspaper. It's what he did to unwind, so to speak. But to me it seemed he liked the TV more than he liked my company...and thats what kills me. I know thats what my boy is thinking. You see my dad will say it was about time, time he didn't have - I know better. Nowdays I have tons of time. I am just not really good at spending it. In fact I am fantastic at wasting it. I suppose on some level I can't handle the responsibility of what is growing up right in front of my eyes. The more time I spend with him the more like me he will be, and it's tough to think he will emulate me, when I am not really sure I like me all that much. For my boys and the men they will become. I must ~~try to be~~ become a better man.

I think a shrink is just someone who remembers the stuff you were saying the last time you were talking to yourself.

Mommies Medicine

2008-09-18T20:21:00.001-07:00

Gavin, you said the cutest thing the other day. We were at the mall the other day an you, Logan and I were waiting for daddy to get our food. I got two Tylenol out of my purse and st them on the table until my drink came. You asked me what those were and I told you they were Mommies medicine and that my head hurt. You thought about it for a second and then said "Then put them on your head!" I almost died of laughter. You crack me up! I Love You!

Almost 3

2008-03-26T19:22:00.001-07:00

I have a horrible habit of getting ahead of myself, and now is no different. I think it started when I was 10 or so. I had a brilliant idea that if I just saw the end of an event it would come faster by me not paying attention and it would be here sooner. I used to do this little trick with Christmas. I would say to myself, "before I know it Christmas will be over and I will be playing with all my presents". Everyday I would wake up and think Christmas will be gone before I know it. At some point by doing this I would just miss events somehow.

When things got tough last year I would say, "Paramedic school will be over before I know it" and sure enough now I am a paramedic. It's a terrible coping mechanism as much as it is brilliant because now that I have my sons I see that I used the same technique for Logan who is a pleasure to be around in comparison with his first few months of life, but things that I know I will be dying to remember are gone. I don't know if this is just nonsense but I am so emotional just seeing my boys grow up. The hardest of course is seeing Gavin. You'll be 3 years old on Saturday and just the thought of it is bringing me to tears, because all I can see is your graduation and I want to make sure you are a better man than me when that day comes. And it kills me because I don't know how to do that.

What if I change something that my parents did and its the wrong thing to do? You might think its stupid to think like this and I am really trying to enjoy these times - but all I can see is a little man who has a lot to learn and hardly any time to do it.

Maybe its this struggle that makes this life worth living...

I promise that I will try to live life beside you as a guide, but not a friend, as a daddy but also a father, and as a good example but also a mystery that hopefully one day you will unravel and learn things that just can't be taught through talking.

Amen

Heart of gold

2008-03-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

Gavin,

The other day you were being naughty and got a swat on the butt. I think you were pretty surprised since you never get spankings, but it wasn't that suprise which struck me in the gut. You cried for a short while before approaching me. You were all teary eyed and you huged me and said, "sorry" in the way that only you can say it Sa-eee that simultaneously made me proud and broke my heart. I was humbled by that genuine display of remorse. In that one fleeting moment I was reassured why I am the proudest father ever. You heart is genuinely good and for that I cannot thank God enough. You inherited something I didn't know could be passed on through the genes...you have your mommy's heart. Have faith in the future that if you trust in God and listen to that heart, you will never be led astray.

Love
Daddy

Patience

2008-02-25T20:03:00.000-08:00

"Stay downstairs Gavin I am putting the baby to bed", I said. I knew he wouldn't listen but I said it anyway. He followed me. As I was laying his brother down to sleep he opened the closet door behind me with the light on and the baby jostled awake. "Gavin" I growled "get out of here". The baby was starting to cry now and 45 minutes of bouncing and rocking was wasted. I was furious. I pushed Gavin aside in frustration as I closed the closet door to dim the light and tried soothing the baby back to sleep. Gavin tripped and landed on his butt, but he didn't make a noise as he just shuffled out of the room.

I however am crushed with guilt. Am I a bad father? Why couldn't he just listen to me the first time when I asked him to stay downstairs while I put the baby to sleep? Why aren't I more understanding...God help me be more understanding of his curiosities and less selfish with my time. Everyone said I would make a great father, but I feel like I am the bad guy in a damn Lifetime movie or something. Man I feel like crap right now. Does this happen to all fathers?

Valentines Breakdown

2008-02-15T16:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Valentines Day. A very special day for Lori and I. I got two cards from Lori. With Gavin on my lap and Logan in Loris arms next to us I read the first card addressed to Daddy:

For Our Daddy

Maybe it's the way you hug,

or maybe it's your smile.

Maybe it's the way you stop

to play with us awhile.

Maybe it's a million zillion things

that make us glad-

We get to be the lucky kids

who have you for a dad.

Happy Valentines Day

With Love

Gavin and Logan

The timing was impeccable - just as I finished reading the card Gavin turned and gave me the tightest and longest hug he has ever given me. Loris eyes filled with tears and as the tears poured from my eyes I just hugged him back and cried. It is moments like these that make me glad I didn't give up on my dream of being a Fire Fighter. Thank you Gavin for making this the best Valentines Day ever. Next to the one that mommy gave me the jar full of reasons why she loves me.

Will I...

2008-01-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

Will I always see a 3 year old boy when I look at your face? I didn't tell you but last night when you wouldn't kiss me it hurt my feelings. Suddenly, I didn't want that kiss anymore, but I did. I saw in that moment, and maybe you did too, your ability to hurt me like no one else can, and the quote sprung to mind. Elizabeth Stone said, "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." To think I have been so careful with it up till now.

It was easier when...

2008-01-14T05:27:00.000-08:00

Be strong. Take care of your mother when I'm gone. These are things I tell my little boy when I leave the house. I see in his eyes that he believes he is going to do those things when I am away, and to the best of his 3 year old ability, I know that he will. What I am really doing is instilling in him a subconscious confidence that he will carry his whole life. A responsibility to the women in his life as well as his younger siblings. This is the burden of the oldest son. A burden I did not carry until my older brother left when I was 14. A burden that will serve him well as a man nevertheless.

Being a dad was easier when I watched my dad do it. All that time he made me think that nothing affected him. If only I had seen the face he displayed after he pulled me off his leg and walked out the door. But that was not the point. He wanted to play with me but he had obligations. I see now how fine a line is drawn between a face of strength and a face of sorrow. It broke his heart to leave me just like it breaks my heart to be at the Fire Station and talk to my son on the phone.

Don't Be Afraid

2008-01-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

I did not even give it a second thought. "Don't be afraid" I reassured my son who for the first time told me "I am afraid" when I put him down for a nap. "Jesus and his guardian angels are watching over you all the time. If you are ever afraid you just call out to Jesus and he will help you" I assured him. A knot began to form in my throat and tears filled my eyes. In that moment, I was 3 years old again and my mother was telling me those exact words. My little 3 year old heart took courage in what I knew to be true and I slept easy knowing Jesus would always help me. I cannot count the number of times I was afraid and called out to Jesus to save me and my fear was abolished. Now that I am older and somewhat more foolish the fact still remains. Jesus helps me when I call him and he even helps when I do not. And a simple Sunday school truth has crushed this 32 year old man because, Jesus is faithful even when I am not.

Lord forgive me for being a prideful foolish man. In the immortal words of The Polar Express. I believe.

My Boys

2007-12-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

My boys. I am so proud of you. It sounds silly since you are so small. Gavin you are such a young gentleman and Logan you are such a happy go lucky little guy it just makes me proud. It is a miracle that hearts don't burst from having children. The statement being "full of joy" has never been so true. Having your mothers love has made me so happy I didn't think it was possible to feel more joy than that, but you boys are just such a blessing (I hate that terminology but I don't have another word for it) that words cannot describe how perfect this family is because of your addition. I pray that one day you find a woman you love as much as I love your mother and that you can have children as wonderful as you are to me. I love you with all my heart.

-Daddy

Last Night

2007-11-30T05:57:00.000-08:00

Last night mommy and I put you to bed around 8:30 like normal and we sat in our bed and watched some TV. Around 9:30 or so we were talking about you and I missed you and wanted some snuggles. Mommy said "its only 9:30 and Gavin is still up" so I got up and snuck in your room and grabbed you out of bed and ran into mommy and daddies room and sat you on the bed between us to watch TV. It was the best idea ever. You were smiling ear to ear the entire hour we watched TV and snuggled and played under the covers. Daddy and Mommy went to sleep with happy hearts and you have a memory I am sure you will be fond of for some time to come.

Spoooooky!

2007-10-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

God forbid this thing format correctly anymore. :( It was a good time anyway.

In Love

2007-10-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I met you at the rink to pick up the babies since our schedules are cutting it pretty close. We made the exchange without incident and I decided that I would take the boys into the rink since Gavin was little fussy about just changing cars with no payoff. When we went inside you pushed your sunglasses up on top of your head and something about your face was lit up. I was looking at the girl I started dating 15 years ago. I know a lot of pressure is off of us with Paramedic school being over and all. I don't know what it is but I miss you so much right now. I want to call you but I know you are probably sleeping. I guess I am trying to say that this feels like one of those moments where our relationship has entered a new stage and I can feel it all around us, and its nice. I am more in love with you than I ever thought possible. My partner, my heart, my friend. I love you.

Mike

What a Bargain

2007-10-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

My father-in-law recently sent me this email that breaks down the cost of a child and why they are so worth it and I sobbed while reading it. Enjoy.

I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice.
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition .
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,

· $741.38 a month, or

* $171.08 a week.
* That's a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich."
Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, and
You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watching Saturday morning cartoons,
going to Disney movies, and
* wishing on stars.
* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths hand prints set in clay and cards with backward letters.
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:

* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream or pizza regardless.
You get a front row seat to history, to witness the:
* first step,
* first word,
* first bra,
* first date, and
* first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits. So, one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!

ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN!!

Part Deux

2007-10-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

This second child has nearly brought me to tears. He is inconsolable at times. I am humbled by the fact that my parents had 6 children. I am almost at a loss for words to describe how frustrating and sad it is when you cannot console your baby. Lately, nothing seems to work. It is an incredible testament to their love of us children that they kept having more. They wanted 8! They by no means had an easy life. My father was working 16 hour days so my mother had to be the 24/7 baby caregiver. I am amazed she wanted to do it even twice let alone 6 times. Mom I love you and appreciate you that much more.

Our Families Newest Addition!

2007-09-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

Welcome Logan Lee!
Born 9-13-07
9' 04" 21.5in

Should I die tomorrow read this.

2007-08-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

"After the first death, there is no other," wrote Dylan Thomas. That doesn't mean the ones that come after won't break your heart, but it's the first that punches your soul's passport. Welcome, fellow human, to a different country than the one you woke up to this morning. The air's different here; so is the scenery. Your knees don't work so well; in fact, you may want to fall to them.

For a precious little while, you are allowed to be stunned into silence, or to shriek, or to talk—recounting stories of who he was, what she meant to you, and how it all came to an end. Tell those stories. Some people may try to enforce "The Rules," to wit: Enough of This Drama Is Enough. Ignore them. Besides, if you treat yourself gently and take the time you need, someday soon you'll hear the faint but steady voice of your own good sense. Play music you love, sit in the sunshine if you can find some, and if anyone offers you a hand, hold it. Let them feed the cat, too, because they want to be useful. If your good sense does not kick in on its own, help it along: scramble some eggs. It will feel strange at first. But if you pretend that scrambling eggs is normal, eventually it will become normal. Soon you can squeeze some orange juice, too.
For some of us the stay in this new country seems endless. But time passes, seasons change, and, truly, would those we grieve for want us to mope? Come with me, back into the world. We'll return to this land someday, all too soon, but in the meantime the garden needs weeding, the bills need paying. Your other loved ones need you. And you, my sweet friend, you could use a shampoo.

—Larkin Warren

I don't quite know why I posted this, but just in case I am honored to have been the one to have punched your passport. (knowhwatimsayin) ;)

Gavin Got The Giggles

2007-07-12T08:15:00.001-07:00

Just a note

2007-07-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

Digging a hole in the dirt in the back yard with tiny shovels.
Watching the ants bustle about.
Getting a little too close and realising that they bite.
A feeling of trepidation when a bug decides to use your skin as a sidewalk.
Kicking a ball with dad inside the house for15 minutes on end.
Amazement at seeing that Trinity can roll over on command.
Using a cardboard tube as a megaphone.
Morning hugs and tender pats on the back.
Climbing out of the crib at nonnies house for the first time.
Correctly stating "it's raining" when stepping out into the rain.

These are a few things you have done just in the last couple weeks. I am amazed at how quickly it goes. Daddy is quite impressed with you.

Melted

2007-05-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

Gavin,

Lately I have been trying to put you to bed as much as possible because 3 nights out of the week I am not home to do so due to school. When I do it is always the same routine. I read you a story in the glider and then I give you a kiss and put you to bed. Sometimes in the middle of the night you will wake up crying like you had a bad dream, and I will get up and sing to you Neenah Dodo and rock you to calm you down and lay you back down so you can go back to sleep. Last night you were a little fussy when I was putting you to bed even tho it was about an hour past your bedtime so after I read you your story and picked you up to put you to bed you were squirming and fussing a bit. I hugged you close and swayed for a few seconds and you calmed down. I was just thinking how nice it is when you lay your head on my shoulder and hug me when you started to sing. Neenah - Dodo, Neenah - Dodo, something unintelligible, Neenah - Dodo, Neenah - Dodo. My heart melted right out of my chest, and I swayed to your little serenade until you started sucking your thumb - clearly ready to lay down for sleepy. I caught my breath and wiped my teary eyes and gave you one last hug before I laid you down. I love you big boy.

-Daddy

My wife in quotes

2007-04-10T06:23:00.000-07:00

There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

-- Washington Irving (1783-1859) American Writer

To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind.

-- William Hazlitt (1778-1830) English Essayist

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life.

-- Ann Landers, born 1918

No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.

-- Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian Missionary

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

-- A.W. Pinero

Dear Lord

2007-04-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

I know we don't talk much anymore, but I know you always listen to me when I call. I just wanted you to know how much this family you have given me means to me. I tell you this a lot, but I just needed to write it down. I am trying my best to take care of them and do what is right. My little boy bows his head to pray before we eat, and he puts a smile on any face he meets. He truly is a treasure. If you took him home tomorrow I would be a better man for having had him. My wife is a blessing without end. I definitely don't deserve her, but I do try to make up for the discrepancy. She is carrying our second child now and I am equally amazed at how the whole process works. I know I don't deserve all that you have done and continue to do so I just wanted to say thanks.

Love,
Mike

Gavin

2007-03-31T20:11:00.000-07:00

I am in the home stretch of a 36 hour shift right now and I just got off the phone with mommy as she was rocking you to sleep. I talked to you and you giggled which melted my heart. I miss you so much. I have been wearing the rubberband you left on the Coke machine yesterday on my wrist. When I look at it I think of you and I smile. I have clinical time tomorrow morning at the hospital, but I may just leave early so I can see you and mommy. I miss you guys so much, and it's hard to be away from you when I am getting paid let alone when I am not getting paid. Stupid clinical time.

I printed out the application for the town where your Uncle Robert is a police officer since it doesn't look very promising here in C town. I am number 10 on the list and I will be dropping 5 spots because I am not a medic nor do I have a degree. I do have plenty of college credits, but no degree. Don't worry tho I will make it on someplace, and that will probably be a good thing if it isn't here in C town.

I love and miss you!
Daddy

Unity

2007-03-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

Lori,

I enjoy getting to know the person you are more and more every year. Thank you for being my perfect match. After 14 years you still amaze me. Your grace, beauty and gentle spirt are the envy of every man I know. You have the presence to soften the most bitter heart, and the loyalty to make the truest friends. Your have the grace and compassion of a queen. It is my greatest honor and deepest humilty that you chose to marry me. Thank you for all you are and for all we have become together. You make me want to be a better man. Plus you make cute kids. :)

I love you more today than yesterday,
Mike

Hockey is expensive, but babies don't know that darn it.

2007-03-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

The Sweetest Wakeup

2006-11-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

Little Boy,

Yesterday reminded me of when I was a little boy. When I was little my daddy worked a lot too. My daddy was tired all the time. He used to come home late at night and my mommy would keep us up so we could see him. (Sound familiar?) We would sit on the recliner with him and watch Dr. Who. Your Uncle Robert would sit on my daddies lap and I would sit on his shoulders, and sometimes I would fall asleep. I liked to fall asleep because my daddy would carry me upstairs and put me to bed give me a kiss and tell me he loves me. One time my daddy had to work third shift. Thats late at night when everyone is sleeping. So when my daddy was sleeping during the day my mommy would want us to be very quiet so we wouldn't wake him up because she said he would get angry. The funny thing was that if I came in his room and woke him up he would always hug and kiss me and smile. I don't think I ever understood why he wasn't angry with me until yesterday.

You don't know it because you are too little, but I haven't gotten a lot of sleep in the last couple months because of classes and work so I am tired a lot. Yesterday I had about 30 minutes before I had to go to class so I took a nap on the couch while you were napping upstairs. About 15 minutes into my nap Aunt Nancy came over to watch you so I could go to class and you had woken up so she got you and brought you downstairs. She was going to take you into the kitchen to eat I think, but you broke free and sprinted towards me. I must have heard the little footsteps because I started opening my eyes just as you headbutted me. I was jarred awake only to see you with one tiny hand on your forehead grinning and giggling. Now I understand why my daddy never minded me interrupting his sleep. It was still the sweetest little wakeup.

I love you so much

Love Daddy

I will follow you into the dark...

2006-09-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

Lori,

I just wanted to write you a little note to tell you how much I love you. I know work and school has been kind of crazy with all the time it takes up, and I know it won't get any better once I start my clinical time, but I am thankful for the time it has taken me away from you because I realize just how much I love you in my life. I realize, not only how much I need you, but how much I enjoy your company. I guess time and routine has a way of dulling the senses to the incredible blessings we have in our lives. You are one of those blessings to me, and I thank God that I can live the only life I have with you, and given the chance I would do it all again. You are and have always been the only girl for me, and I hope I tell you that enough. I was listening to the radio on my way to work today and this song came on the radio, and I thought of you and cried. I don't know if I am just stressed out of on my period or what, but I do know one thing. I love you as much as any man has ever loved any woman on this earth.

Mike

Will you remember?

2006-08-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Will you remember the things I said,
when on mommies belly I'd rest my head?
Will you remember when I held you tight,
you fussed and kicked and cried all night?
Will you remember your first tooth,
we tried so hard to comfort you?
Will you remember falling on the foor,
and daddy bursting through the door?
Will you remember saying "dah" one day?
I didn't know you spoke that way.
Will you remember family hugs,
or how to talk just like the Pugs?
Mommies and Daddies cherish those days,
and hold them tight till we pass away.

I Love Gavin Huggies!

2006-08-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

You are getting to be so loving lately. You will come over to me and I will say "Gavin give me huggies!" and you will smile real big and put your arms out for me to pick you up and you will give me the most wonderful hug and sometimes even kiss after kiss after kiss. Also lately when we tell you we love you it sounds like you are trying to say it back. You are growing up to be such a sweet and loving boy, your daddy and I love you so much!

Love, Mommy

Heartache

2006-07-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

Gavin,

I was so happy to see you this morning! You walked up the stairs by yourself - like mommy and I don't like you to do - and came walking into the bathroom with a big smile on your face to greet me. I gave you a hug and kiss and put you down, and you walked off as if you had more pressing things to attend to. I can't get over how quickly you are growing up. I know in your head you think you are big, but you are such a little boy. You gave mommy and I a big hug, like you do when all of our heads touch together, and you grab our necks. I will tell you a little secret, it melts our hearts when you hug us like that. But alas, daddies have to go to work so I left. When I got to work this morning I logged into my computer like normal. A folder was open on my desktop with some photographs in it and I clicked on one we took of you about a year ago. My heart began to ache. I longed for another neck hug and a smile, but I know I have to wait till I get home to get one. So I called mommy instead and she put you on the phone, and for the first time you actually started talking to me, "hah da" you said, followed quickly by some gibberish and some high pitched words in your Daisey voice and a tiny little "dahdie" as mommy got back on the phone. I absolutely loved our little conversation and I can't wait to get home to chase you around and try to decipher some more gibberish.

I love you,
Dahdie

A Baby's Hug

2006-07-13T07:14:00.000-07:00

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Gavin in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Gavin squealed with glee and said, "Hi." He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.

"Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Gavin

My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Gavin continued to laugh and answer, "Hi."

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya patty cake?

Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo."

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Gavin, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot.

The old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Gavin," I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Gavin leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Gavin had propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship.

Gavin in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Gavin in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby."

Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Gavin from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Gavin in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Gavin so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me."

I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" when He shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little children."

This story was forwarded to me as a an email, but I was so touched by the little boy in the story and how closely it resembled Gavins bahavior at 15 months that I had to post it here.

If only we could keep these things in the forefront of our minds at all times.

Happy Birthday Baby! - Gavin is 1 today

2006-03-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

That was then

Mommy and I were talking about what we were doing one year ago yesterday. I either had the day off of work, or I got off early we are not sure, but we remember going to Biaggis' and talking about you. You were mere hours form coming into this world, and we were completely in wonderment of what it would be like to have a baby of our own. It was a nervous night and the next day we got to meet you. It has been an absolute pleasure raising a little boy like yourself.
This is now!

This little light of mine

2006-03-08T13:52:00.000-08:00

Gavin,

In getting to know you I am getting to know the little me. I was talking to my uncle Pete and he mentioned that when I was your age I had the same type of thumb callousness from sucking my thumb that you have right now from sucking yours. It made me think back to the time your grandma put this nasty liquid on my thumb to get me to stop sucking it, and I would suck on it and spit it into my pillow until I couldn't taste it any more. I think I was about 12 years old when I finally stopped sucking my thumb. It was a really old age to finally quit, and it was tough, but I was tougher I guess. It just took your daddy a while. I am really enjoying all the kisses you have started giving us. Your mommy and I are so happy that we can ask for kisses and you will give them to us as often as we ask. I'll tell you a secret, we have to control ourselves so we don't wear you out because we can kiss you all day long. It is that wonderful. It's even better than ice cream and candy if you can imagine that. I would trade the entire contents of Willy Wonkas factory for just one Gavin kiss.

I love you,

Daddy

I Do

2006-02-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

Today is the 7 year anniversary of the day your daddy proposed to me. I know you will want to know this story as I would tell it and just in case I never get the chance...This is how it went...It was a ususal Saturday morning, I was at the ice rink teaching skate school, it was right before my last class and Lori (my skating coach) asked me if I wanted to play hide the beanie baby with her class for the last ten minutes of class. I thought this was kinda wierd because she has never asked me to play before but, whatever, sounded like a good idea to me. So the last ten minutes come along and we get our classes together and start to play (I should probably tell you how this game is played, each child has a beanie baby and there are a bunch of orange cones on the ice, the teacher takes all the beanie babies and hides them under the cones, then the kids find their beanie baby. The kids love it.) Well, after a few rounds Lori decides that is my turn to find the beanies, (this was wierd to me too because the kids were the only ones to ever find the beanies, not the teachers) so the kids hide them all and I start looking. So, I'm looking under the cones and I'm finding the beanies left and right when I come across a little box, weired, but whatever I just pick it up and keep looking for the beanies. Then Lori asks me "Aren't you going to open the box?" Just then, your daddy skated onto the ice, ever so gracefully, (he almost fell. hehehe) and I open the box and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. He went all out, in the background he played "Say it" on the loud speaker and had a bunch of little girls hold a huge sign saying "Will you marry me Lori?" It was amazing, I was blown away. Everyone was in on it, Uma and Opa and Grandma and Papa were there, practically everyone knew but me. It was the only time I have ever been completely surprised. What a perfect time.

Love, Mommy

Happy Valentines Day Mommy!

2006-02-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

Daddy and I worked very hard making a card for you. On the outside it said we love you! We used glitter pens to make it shiney, but daddy wouldn't let me play with them yet. I wonder what they taste like? Maybe next year. *giggle* On the inside it said "Thiiiiiiiiiis Much!" and daddy traced my hands!
But the big suprise was waiting for you when you came in the door! We got a brand new onsie and put a special little message on it for you.

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!

Valentines Day

2006-02-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

Lori,

Should I have saved the last post for today? I don't think so, but on this manufactured day of love I struggle to give you more of everything I have. I feel like I can never give you enough to show my love. Valentines Day is a nationally recognized marker that I haven't made the world I want for you. I know that sounds a little un-Valentines Day, but if this is the day to share our hearts with the one we love then I have done that.

All I have to give you is me, and I feel I am not a great gift, but I pray that God will understand that he has my mind but you have my heart and soul.

I love you today as I always have,
Mike

Thank You

2006-02-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

Thank You for believing in me when I fell to my lowest point
Thank You for nudging me when I can't keep my mouth shut
Thank You for trusting me when I did not deserve your trust
Thank You for holding me when I couldn't hold up
Thank You for seeing me for who I could be and not who I was
Thank You for understanding me when my logic missed the mark
Thank You for staying patient with me when I had no patience left
Thank You for loving me when I felt unlovable
Thank You for supporting me in everything I do
Thank You for joining me in raising this little boy
Thank You for being the wonderfully unique woman that you are

This lifes journey is only worth taking with you by my side.

In all the world I Love You Alone.

Love Deeply

2006-01-31T13:18:00.000-08:00

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

-- A.W. Pinero

Life in Pictures

2006-01-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda in Love with these two!

Quote

2006-01-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much.

-- Erastus Wiman

A NEWBORN'S CONVERSATION WITH GOD

2006-01-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I must leave now, what do I call this angel?"

God said, "You will simply call her, "Mommy."

So kiss me...

2006-01-13T22:22:00.000-08:00

The day has arrived. A couple days ago Mommy was putting you to bed and she told you to say goodnight to daddy, and I said gimme a kiss big boy and you leaned right over and gave me a kiss. Uhhh Houston we have a problem. Daddy was not ready for such a moment. I just about started sobbing, but I think I was too shocked. Mommy and I were both shocked.

Since then you have given real kisses to Papa and Mommy and I think Uncle Jason. You won't know how much that little kiss, slobber and all, meant to your daddy until you have a little boy of your own, and you wait for months for him to show you he loves you in a way you can understand. Then when that moment arrives you are just not ready. You think you are ready, but you're not. It's like the moment in Fight Club when Jack finds out he is Tyler Durden.

You struck your daddy silly.

(Pictured Auntie Michelle and Cousin Jack)

Happy 5th Birthday Trinity!

2006-01-12T10:50:00.000-08:00

OK the word is out Gavin loves the puggies. Numerous times we find him sitting there laughing at them as the play tug-o-war with a toy. In fact he will even jump in there and get a hand on the toy himself. If they are playing and they move someplace else he quickly gets down and chases them. The pugs don't seem to mind at all.

I was thinking about the fact that small dogs have long lives usually sometimes 13 or more years. Gavin could be 10 years old when the time comes for our puggies to go to the happy farm. It's a shame people can't visit that farm. :)

If only we knew...

2006-01-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

I always wondered what I would be able to say to my kids that would make them say "WOW! You're old!". Well kids...I am older than the Internet. That's right; when I was a boy there was no Internet! Fancy home computers didn't exist either. The coolest electronic device we had was a calculator watch, and it was Huge. To this day I don't know what the hell the point of a calculator watch is, but the commercial made you feel like you were James Bond if you had one. James Bond did A LOT of long division right? Right?

The reason I bring up the Internet is to poorly segwey and tell another story which ties these two seemingly unrelated things together, in case you are wondering where I came up with this crackpot idea, just search the Internet for Photo Orbs. Despite it's shoddy pseudo-scientific origins this crackpot idea is one I would like to believe.

If you didn't hit the link I will sum it up for you. Have you ever taken a picture and noticed those little anomolies in the photograph they look like a little orb of light? Some Internet folk believe that those anomolies are spirits watching the person in the photograph.

Gavin hasn't had a remarkable number of these show up, but when they do I always like to think that I caught his Abuelita or his Papa spending time with him.

A picture is worth a thousand words, or in this case a thousand I LOVE YOU'S!

2006-01-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

I LOVE YOU BIG BOY!

Cousins

2006-01-04T11:32:00.000-08:00

2005-12-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

Gavin Loves Mommy!

2005-12-23T08:21:00.000-08:00

Gavin Loves Daddy!

2005-12-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

Snow Snow Snow Snow SNOOOOOW!

Mommy wants a hug...

2005-12-19T12:15:00.000-08:00

Watch out Gavin because, having kids just makes you into one big sappy slob. I was talking to your mommy on the phone and we were talking about something and the conversation just found it's way to you. Imagine that. Your mommy told me she wanted to hug you so bad she could actually feel her body ache when she thought about it. She loves you so much it hurts her to be away from you. What an awesome mommy huh?

Merry Christmas Family Picture

2005-12-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

2005-11-25T14:44:00.000-08:00

Hanging ornaments at Nonnies house.

What can I say the Kid Likes Pepsi! 7months 2 weeks 5 days

2005-11-21T06:54:00.000-08:00

I am having the best time with you kiddo! Two days ago you were talking into the dog bell to hear your echo and laughing, and just yesterday you were playing with your toys in the middle of the front room all by yourself. The only problem is that if I watch you and you see me watching, then you want me to come play and you start fussing. :)

I am not able to rightly ascertain where your Pepsi affinity comes from. I am a Pepsi junkie it is true, but I don't think Pepsi addiction can be passed on can it? :) You are quite the little fan of the Pepsi tho. It's quite funny. I am sure you are just grabbing for the Pepsi because I am drinking it, but regardless it is still pretty cute. I even gave you your own Pepsi can out of the fridge to play with on the ground, but it didn't last long.

I know there are others who read this blog with some really cute kid stories. I would Love to hear them if you don't mind sharing.

A Little Melancholy

2005-11-18T21:42:00.000-08:00

Even before I had my son I had thought about how little you actually influence the world. But staring at him somehow makes it so much more real. In 2 generations the only memory of me may be an old picture in a photo album that never gets opened.

Think about it...

Think about your great grandparents. Do you even know their first names? Did they think of the eventuality of you? Am I the only one who thinks about that?

Gavin, If you pass down any knowledge of me to your grandkids let it be that I loved your mother with every bit of my heart and ability, and love your wife the same.

To my forgotten forefathers Cuban and Italian who made our existance possible. Salud and Grazie.

More and More on my Mind

2005-11-07T07:50:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream about you. It was strange because it was the first dream I can remember having with you in it where you interact with me. I think you were trying to talk, and I kept encouraging you to do so. I awoke happy, realizing it was the first such dream that I have had. Just 5 minutes ago I had an experience that was definitely a first, and prompted this post. I looked in the mirror and saw your face staring back at me, and I couldn't help but smile. Everyone says you look like your mommy, and I agree, but there is something there...Something "daddy" in your eyes, and I just saw it in the mirror, and it makes me happy. I love you son.

Love,
daddy

2005-11-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

No Touchy....No Touch!

2005-10-31T19:58:00.000-08:00

Gavin is supposed to be a Dragon, but he looks more like a Hungry Hungry Hippo.

2005-10-31T19:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hello Mr. Handsome!

It seems like yesterday.

2005-10-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Actually it seems like forever ago, but I miss being able to snuggle you and sleep. Now days you wiggle around so much and want to play so we don't get to snuggle anymore.

No matter how much I fight it.

2005-10-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

No matter how much I fight it I am continuously smitten by you. I have never known such selfless pride. I know that is an oxymoron, but it is the only way I can describe the feeling I get when I see you sit-up, or hold you bottle for the first time. I am so proud of you for becoming "you". (I am aware of how corny this sounds.)

I have never lost my love of playing, so we wrestled yesterday. Well, I wrestled and you came among for the ride, but you loved it, and so did Trinity. :) She jumped on us and licked our faces, and you smiled and laughed when I tickled you. Growing up I have seen there are several ways to raise a child and get a "good kid" as a result (despite what you see on TV), and I suppose that is the beauty of parenting.

But I am so afraid of spoiling you. I struggle everyday with how to react and treat you. I wonder if the same lessons I learned, growing up poor, can be learned by you when things are handed to you from every direction. It is a great weight, this burden of raising you, but it is one I am so intrigued and fascinated by. I enjoy it while I drowned in it. And yet how do I teach you how to manage money without being a miser, or how to avoid marketing ploys and political spin doctoring without making you too much of a cynical bastard at the same time avoid turning you into a total pushover. I am constantly torn by these things, and yet I keep getting told I will be a wonderful father. How do they know? Are the things that we judge other adults on even factors to a child?

I know one thing for certain. I worry too much. ;)

2005-10-10T09:47:00.001-07:00

6 Month Photographs

2005-10-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

6 Month Photographs

2005-10-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

6 Month Photographs

2005-10-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

Mmmmm Prunes!

2005-10-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Big boys hold their own bottle.

2005-10-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

Toques part Deux!

2005-10-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

The Cousins Caiden and Savanna. :)

2005-10-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

Get a grip...

2005-10-01T14:08:00.001-07:00

Mommy and Daddy

2005-10-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Mmmmmmmm Pepsi....

2005-10-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

Gobble Gobble!

25 Weeks 5 Days

2005-09-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well you finally got your first two teeth. You got them one at a time and with each one came a cold. We were up every night suctioning out your nose. Normally when you wake up you would suck your thumb to get yourself back to sleep but with a stuffy nose that wouldn't quite work. My poor baby, you looked so miserable. But now that they are all the way through you are back to your old self. (Until you get your next tooth that is)

I Love You,
Mommy

24 weeks

2005-09-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

Boy oh boy can you eat! Mommy fed you a 6 ounce bottle half a jar of carrots a whole jar of peas and some squash before you stopped making the baby bird face. :) Little did I know when I picked you up to rock you before bed that this particular combination wasn't working. Not since I almost drowned you in nose drops have I seen you vomit so much! First it was just a little spit up on my shoulder, and I called mommy over to bring something to wipe it up with. She came over with one of your little bibs. (the closest thing she could grab) So I lifted you up off my shoulder so she could wipe it off my shirt, and you start to empty the contents onto daddies shirt the little bib mommy is holding in front of you was like putting a thumb over the end of the hose. We had to stand in the tub while the puke drained out of the shirt pouch I made with the bottom of my shirt. I won't get into how it smelled. You can see the results below tho. Soon after you were smiling ear to ear, of course. :)

2005-09-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

New PJ's!

2005-09-12T19:25:00.001-07:00

Gavin feels better now.

2005-09-12T19:25:00.000-07:00

Poor Daddy...

23 weeks 1 day

2005-09-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

I look forward to coming home and picking you up from nonnies to snuggle and feed you. You have been such a good boy. You make daddy proud. I cannot Begin to tell you how much fun this is. :) I was listening to a local radio host who said having kids is not at all what he expected it to be. He is cynical like I was when you were first born. He had his first major scare yesterday when one of his twin girls was choking on vomit. (Gave me nose drop flashbacks.) *shudder* The baby is fine, but the trauma is horrible. I just wanted to call in to the radio show and tell him that in about 4 months he is going to be on top of the world like I am with you.

22 Weeks 6 Days

2005-09-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

You have your first official cold, I think it's my fault cuz I'm sick too. We have been worried about you because your nose is all stuffy, we are getting very good at using the bulb syringe. You don't like it much, but you are doing pretty good with it considering we are stuffing something up your nose. You were pretty crabby today, you wanted to be held and cuddled a lot (which of course neither of us mind). I hate to see you sick. I hope you feel better soon baby.

I Love You,
Mommy

2005-08-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Safari Hat Boy!

2005-08-22T20:32:00.001-07:00

Happy Boy

2005-08-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

Caiden and Gavin - Cousins

20 Weeks

2005-08-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

Mommy is so proud of his big boy! Last week I was rocking you, I knew you were tired but you just kept wiggling and wiggling so i got fed up and I put you in your bed awake. You cried for about 10 minutes and all of a sudden, it's quiet. Oh my gosh! You put your self to sleep! Let me just say, every other time we tried this you screamed bloody murder until we just couldn't take it any more and picked you up. You finally learned how to put your self to sleep, with help by your thumb, which by the way you have never done that before either. Now every night we put you in bed awake and there is hardly a peep from you. Naps are a different story, you still like to give us a hard time when we put you down awake but every once in a while you go to sleep without a hitch. We are getting there.

You have also slept all the way through the night five nights in a row now! Sometimes you wake up and start crying but if I give you a few minutes you find your thumb and fall back to sleep on your own. :) Yay!! Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the 5:00 am feeding and snuggle but it is nice to know you can handle the whole night on your own.

I Love You Sweetheart,
Mommy