Little Whirlwind

It has been some time since I last posted, but life has a way of catching you up in the whirlwind especially when you have three boys. Nugget is now 18 months old and such a little sweetheart. He is trying to communicate with baby babble and getting somethings said like "here you go" and "all done". It is crazy to think that this is the last 18 month old baby I will ever have. It kinda makes me sad. I am sure when we are all snowboarding in Utah in a few years I will not be so disappointed. :)

Logan is 5 years old now and is really loving doing his "homework" on abcmouse.com. He gets upset that Gavin has homework to complain about and he doesn't. He likes the learning and game style of the site so now we tell him in a somewhat stern voice "Logan you need to do your homework!", to which he goes AWWWE! but then cracks a wry little smile so happy to be doing "homework" like Gavin. He is a absolute joy to watch and has taken to his big brotherly duties with gusto. Dylan loves him and loves to play with him and learn with him. It is completely adorable to watch.

Gavin is 7 and in second grade now he struggles a bot with reading but is a truly amazing kid in every way. The other day he told me "you know what the bestest toy I ever got was?" to which I said "What's that?". "My brothers." he replied flatly. I was touched to say the least. What an intense observation for such a young boy.

Tomorrow is Loris and my 12th wedding anniversary. She has made the last 20 years we have been together the easiest thing I have ever done. I do not regret a single decision with her in it. Thank you baby for being the light of my life. You are and will always be my guardian angel. I love you.

Mike

Protector

It has been ingrained in my head since I was very young to protect my younger siblings at all costs. It is a memory so old I don't even remember being taught it - one that I have always taken very seriously. It stands to reason that I would pass this on to my children so that they would also do the same.

I think I began imparting this lesson to Gavin when he was 3 and his little brother Logan was born, and I have continued it with Logan now that Dylan has been born. The power of this lesson was thrust back in my face recently when Gavin was inside doing his homework and Logan was outside playing with a neighbor boy. Gavin while sitting at the table doing his homework looked out the window and did not see his brother Logan in the backyard. Gavin was immediately panicked and said, "Oh no Logan is down by the pond and he could fall in!". To which I answered, "You boys go near the pond every day why are you worried now?". Gavin looked at me with intense concern on his face and said, "This time I am not there to protect him." I assured him that I would check on Logan and make sure he was alright. Gavin relented and was relieved to find out Logan was on the other side of the bushes and not near the water. All at once I was impacted by the force of his concern and the power of the lesson I had passed on to him.

Having had that experience I now ask myself if that is the right thing to have done...

Welcome Baby Dylan to the Family!

Dylan Matthew was born into the family today at 11:29pm he is 7lbs 10ozs and 20inches long. He is a tiny one in comparison to the two previous giants, but what a sweetheart.

Oh Beee-have baby!

A couple weeks ago Logan and I were sitting at the table and Logan was asking me who he could marry. "Can I marry daddy?" I said "Nooo I am married to daddy" "Can I marry Gavin?" "Nooo that's silly!" I said. "Can I marry you?" "Nooo I am married to Daddy" Then he thinks for a minute and says this... "First I'm gonna get a girlfriend, then I'm gonna marry her, then, I'm gonna shag her." I had such a hard time not laughing, it was excruciating!

The Leprechaun

Gavin came sprinting off the bus today yelling to Mike about how the Leprechaun came into their class room and turned over all of the chairs and he needed to catch the Leprechaun. From that point on he was obsessed with catching the Leprechaun. That's all he did all afternoon into the evening. He set a trap with Chuck E. Cheese tokens in it and jelly beans leading to the tokens.

Our Cassanova

Today Gavin and I were at a wrestling tournament so mommy had to take Logan to skating because she had a competition today. Logan was quite a big hit with the girls. They thought he was the cutest thing. Mommy was getting a kick out of it because he was eating it up. After a while Logan came over to her and said, "Mommy, one of these girls here is beautiful". Mommy was very intrigued to know just who Logan was talking about and said, "Oh yeah who's that?" and he said in a rather coy manner with a little grin, "You are.". Mommy was simultaneously melted and very worried by this ability to execute flattery so effortlessly. We are going to have quite the handful here.

Wrestling - A Lesson Learned

Gavin,

Today you had to go to wrestling without me. It is always a chore to send you alone because you cry and get all worked up about it. Today you toughed it out and didn't cry at all. When mommy told me that you also cut open one of the sores on your knee and you didn't cry about the blood I was teary eyed with pride. Not because I had done anything for you, but because you acheived it without me.

"I think that the greatest benefit from wrestling is learning to face challenges and to demand the most from yourself.  You learn to fight when you think there is no more fight left within you.  You learn to get up after you’ve fallen, time and time again.  You learn about sacrifice and about pain.  You learn to endure and to overcome.  This is what I want for you, not because I wrestled, but because these lessons are the true gifts of this sport."
-Allen Takata.

This is what I want for you and today you took a giant step in that direction. You were on your own.

I Love You,
Daddy

New Baby Coming!

We just found out the new baby is going to be a boy! Logan is super excited and sings to the baby and talks to mommies tummy every day. He is so excited to be a big brother finally he asks when mommy is gonna get the baby out everytime Lori has a doctors appointment. Gavin really wanted it to be a girl so he was a little disappointed when he heard it was a boy.

Gavin is wrestling now and had his first tournament today! He was very brave and went out there and gave it his all, but he ended up losing 3 times and got 4th place out of 4. I was very proud of him for working hard. He learned that we never give up no matter what.

Little Jokester

The other day we were driving in the car and Gavin was telling some nonsensical knock knock jokes and we were trying to explain why they weren't funny and why other jokes were funny. While Gavin is mulling over the concept Logan pipes up.

Logan: "Knock knock"

Mommy: "Who's there"

Logan: "Poopie"

Mommy: "Poopie who?"

Logan: "Poopie YOU!"

Needless to say we started cracking up. Gavin was not pleased at how hard we laughed at that joke so an explanation was required. We explained that since he was 2 we did not expect him to construct his own joke and that made it funny. We did not get into the finer points of that fact that the joke was constructed such that it made the recipient of the joke the butt of the joke. Logans comedic timing is still pretty darn good for 2 years old despite the fact that it was likely an accidental success.

Love

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

A trip to Uncle Lanes

Tomorrow we take a trip to Kentucky to see Uncle Lanes farm. You boys are so excited! After watching the John Deere tractor video a million times I wonder what you will think of a real farm. Gavin you can't stop talking about the horses at Uncle Lanes and Logan just calls every farm, tractor, and plaid button up shirt Opa! :) I am really looking forward to the road trip. It was always my favorite part about vacation when I was growing up. Everyone in the car singing songs or playing games. We got to go to the Waffle House and make Pecan (pee-can) jokes all the way to Florida. It's gonna be fun!

Best Friends

Gavin,

Last week you and Logan were fighting and you said you didn't want Logan to be your friend and daddy told you that your brother is the best friend you can have in the world just like uncle Matt and daddy. You were kind of sad as you always are when daddy has a serious talk with you, but a couple days later Papa asked you who was your best friend and you told him Jack and LoLo. Daddy is so proud that you remembered what he said about being best friends with your brother. Friends can stop being your friend at any time, but your brother will always be your brother.

Love,
Daddy

The Watcher

It's midnight and I watched you sleeping. Quiet - fragile - repose. I see you every day so it's almost like I can't tell, but I remember you much smaller. It's like other children I once knew, but they're all you. It was a moment ago, but in the grand scheme of things it's like I am living the entire industrial revolution through from Horses to Space Shuttles. You are a century away from the babies that kept me up all night. You're beautiful and intelligent and self aware. Learning at a speed I can only dream about. Unencumbered - free - sojourning. I spare no toil to raise you right - the effort from which has aged me ten years.

My boys.

I know one day you'll be men. But for now I am the watcher.

Good Night.

How Can Two Halves Of Me Be So Different?

Logan,

When you were in mommies tummy I wrote an online journal for your mom and I recently read it again. Needless to say, some entries got me thinking. In the blog I write about Gavin and I praying for you to be a healthy little brother and how Gavin would kiss mommies tummy every night and how I imagined you sitting next to Gavin watching TV. It must explain that little flutter I feel in my heart when I see you two next to each other resting and watching TV. In another entry I think I found the reason you like when daddy rubs your back and why your most commonly used word was "book" right before bed. Finally, did you know that the place we went camping for your birthday was a place I first wrote about when you were in mommies tummy?

So many things to write about, but it's so easy just to sit back and enjoy you when I should be writing some of these things down. I will try to be more dilligent.

Love,
Daddy

The Same Old Story

Lori,

Not a day goes by that I don't thank God that you are my wife. I know I tell you this all the time, but I think it's a good thing that you are probably sick of hearing it. But I would rather you hear it too much than assume you knew how much I appreciate you. You are everything I always wanted in a woman and a whole bunch of things I didn't know I wanted. If I am anything in this world it is because God gave me you. I love you till death. I'm never letting go...Ever.

Mike

I hope you Dance

Gavin and Logan

I think alot about what kind of men I am raising. I wonder how many times I have to say something for it to stick. Will you become the men I teach you to be or the man that I am in spite of my direction. I feel like my dad still always has such great advice and I struggle to answer the questions of a 3 year old sometimes. The bitch of it is that I have always held my father in such high regard, and now that I am a man I see flaws. I feel so vulnerable knowing that my boys will one day grow up to analyze and judge me. It brings me to tears knowing that one day I will let them down either in reality or in perception. I guess that is why I write this blog. I want you guys to know where my head is at. I don't even know if thats a good thing that you know where my head is at or if the mystery of what I am thinking is better. Just know that I love you both more than life itself and would do anything to make you proud to call me daddy.

-Daddy

A night time prayer

Gavin,

Tonight was just like any other night. Mommy and I read you a story before bed and we prayed. You wanted me to carry you to bed because you think it is hilarious when I pretend to bump your head on the door jams as I carry you to your room. Each time we passed a door or door jam I would pretend I didn't notice that you were going to run into it and *bump* you would let out shrieks of laughter every time. After 4 or 5 bumps we got to your room and quietly put you in bed. "We don't want to wake Logan", I said. I gave you a hug and a kiss and you whispered to me "Daddy I scared" in that little accent you have that leaves out all the R's. I told you as I always do that there is no reason to be scared and if you feel scared you can just ask Jesus to help you and he will and you will feel better. You said, "ok" and I kissed you and walked out of the room and closed the door. As I was about two steps away I heard a little voice in your room. At first I was angry that you were talking because I didn't want you to wake Logan. I started back to the door in a huff, but for some reason I stopped and listened for a second. My heart broke when I heard your little voice saying, "Jesus I scared" over and over again. I was proud and shattered all at once. I walked in the room and knelt down and hugged you and asked, "Is Jesus helping you?" you looked at me a smiled and said, "Yes he is". "I told you he would" I said barely keeping my voice from cracking. One more kiss and I was out the door to tell mommy the story so she could cry right along with me. I don't want to forget this moment so I am typing this at 11 at night.

Peter Pan

When I was little I never wanted to grow up. My mom would tell me that she wanted to put me in a box to keep me small forever, "OK! I want to be like Peter Pan. I don't want to grown up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid." I'd say.

Today before going to church we were watching the movie Hook in which Peter Pan is played by Robin Williams and he is all grown up and has forgotten all about Neverland and now he has kids of his own who are kidnapped by Captain Hook played by Dustin Hoffman and taken back to Neverland. My own children were sitting on my lap entranced by the mermaids under the water in Neverland and I was reminiscing about how clever this movie was. Then came the part where Rufio puts down the ultimatum saying if you think this is Peter Pan you stay on that side of the line. Only one child a small boy stood there examining Robin Williams face, and walking around him. Finally he pushed back his cheeks into a forced smile and said "There you are Peter!". With that Gavin jumped off my lap and began to run around playing and throwing stuff like they were doing when trying to catch Peter, and I saw myself 3 years old with not a care in the world, and I started to cry.

O how Peter Pan has grown up, but its ok because even tho I hurt when I wake up and I have little Peter Pans of my own I am trying to keep my promise when I play spaceship, buy toys that I think are cool for my boys, do silly stuff and sometimes encourage naughty behavior. Even tho I have grown up, I am still a Toys 'R' Us kid. Thanks mom I wouldn't have near as much fun without you.

Knock Knock...

It's most obvious on nights like tonight. I'm working, and it's quiet. The noise of my boys running around is gone, and I sit alone. That's when I appreciate them the most. The cute things they do like Gavin saying something crazy or wanting to wrestle out of nowhere or Logan coming up to me and manuevering his head so his face is between me and whatever I am doing which is causing me not to look at him at that moment. The thing I am looking at is usually the computer monitor. With my dad it was the TV or the newspaper. It's what he did to unwind, so to speak. But to me it seemed he liked the TV more than he liked my company...and thats what kills me. I know thats what my boy is thinking. You see my dad will say it was about time, time he didn't have - I know better. Nowdays I have tons of time. I am just not really good at spending it. In fact I am fantastic at wasting it. I suppose on some level I can't handle the responsibility of what is growing up right in front of my eyes. The more time I spend with him the more like me he will be, and it's tough to think he will emulate me, when I am not really sure I like me all that much. For my boys and the men they will become. I must try to be become a better man.



I think a shrink is just someone who remembers the stuff you were saying the last time you were talking to yourself.

Mommies Medicine

Gavin, you said the cutest thing the other day. We were at the mall the other day an you, Logan and I were waiting for daddy to get our food. I got two Tylenol out of my purse and st them on the table until my drink came. You asked me what those were and I told you they were Mommies medicine and that my head hurt. You thought about it for a second and then said "Then put them on your head!" I almost died of laughter. You crack me up! I Love You!