It's most obvious on nights like tonight. I'm working, and it's quiet. The noise of my boys running around is gone, and I sit alone. That's when I appreciate them the most. The cute things they do like Gavin saying something crazy or wanting to wrestle out of nowhere or Logan coming up to me and manuevering his head so his face is between me and whatever I am doing which is causing me not to look at him at that moment. The thing I am looking at is usually the computer monitor. With my dad it was the TV or the newspaper. It's what he did to unwind, so to speak. But to me it seemed he liked the TV more than he liked my company...and thats what kills me. I know thats what my boy is thinking. You see my dad will say it was about time, time he didn't have - I know better. Nowdays I have tons of time. I am just not really good at spending it. In fact I am fantastic at wasting it. I suppose on some level I can't handle the responsibility of what is growing up right in front of my eyes. The more time I spend with him the more like me he will be, and it's tough to think he will emulate me, when I am not really sure I like me all that much. For my boys and the men they will become. I must I think a shrink is just someone who remembers the stuff you were saying the last time you were talking to yourself.
