If daddy gets grey hairs he knows who to blame. Savannah was visiting and sleeping in your crib when you fell asleep in my arms. I carried you upstairs to lay you down to sleep on my bed. I hedged you in with pillows on both sides of the bed so you wouldn't roll off. I didn't put one at your head because I saw that it was a long way to the edge of the bed for you to scooch, and you usually roll over first when you wake up, so I scolded myself for being paranoid, and left you to sleep in peace.
About an hour after I laid you down I heard a loud thump upstairs. Panic gripped me, and I must have gone white as I raced upstairs. My mind was racing and I prayed you were conscious. When I got to the room I saw the bed was empty, and I am sure you were crying but for some reason I couldn't hear it until I set eyes on you. My thoughts said "He's conscious he's crying and all his appendages are moving, and that's good." then the doubt slipped in "what if its a slight fracture? Don't pick him up and call the ambulance." Despite those thoughts I swooped you up and hugged you tight, my heart broken for my poor little boy. As I brought you downstairs my heart was still racing and grandma and grandpa were very compassionate towards us both. You were already smiling by this time and that made me happy.
The rest of the night I fought tears trying not to blame myself and even now I am a bit teary. Grandpa had a good time razing me for scaring him half to death with all my stunts when I was little where I hurt myself. While he was reassuring me that it was fine I tried to express myself by saying, "It's not what happened it's what COULD HAVE happened that has me upset." grandpa smirked at me. In that moment, all the times I was playing with fireworks or jumping off the garage and climbing 30 feet up a tree came back to me, and I could hear grandpas voice after I told him "It's fine dad nothing happened. I'm fine." and he would tell me "Son, It's not what happened that worries me it's what could have happened." In that moment I found a new bond with my daddy, and a new fear for things to come. I felt bad all over again for pretending Rob fell out of the tree in the house in Elgin, and for riding my BigWheel in the street.
I can only pray that God watches over you like he did for me, because daddies don't really see everything we just know a lot about probability, and that's what scares us the most.
I Love you Son,
Daddy
3 comments:
OHHH bless your heart.. I know how it is because I have had quite a few scare with my kids but it is more nerve wrecking when they are that little and not able to communicate and point out where it hurts..
You are such a good and caring Daddy..
I just realized that this is actually both (Lori and your) blog so I wanted to add that you both are such caring parents to Gavin.. Sorry I exluded Lori in my previous comment..
Mike, Mike, Mike... welcome to parenthood. You and Lori will do fine, just fine.
Punkin just had her first sleepover at a neighbor's house, and Buddy has spent the last two nights in a big boy bed. They grow up so fast, despite the bumps along the way.
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