No matter how much I fight it I am continuously smitten by you. I have never known such selfless pride. I know that is an oxymoron, but it is the only way I can describe the feeling I get when I see you sit-up, or hold you bottle for the first time. I am so proud of you for becoming "you". (I am aware of how corny this sounds.)
I have never lost my love of playing, so we wrestled yesterday. Well, I wrestled and you came among for the ride, but you loved it, and so did Trinity. :) She jumped on us and licked our faces, and you smiled and laughed when I tickled you. Growing up I have seen there are several ways to raise a child and get a "good kid" as a result (despite what you see on TV), and I suppose that is the beauty of parenting.
But I am so afraid of spoiling you. I struggle everyday with how to react and treat you. I wonder if the same lessons I learned, growing up poor, can be learned by you when things are handed to you from every direction. It is a great weight, this burden of raising you, but it is one I am so intrigued and fascinated by. I enjoy it while I drowned in it. And yet how do I teach you how to manage money without being a miser, or how to avoid marketing ploys and political spin doctoring without making you too much of a cynical bastard at the same time avoid turning you into a total pushover. I am constantly torn by these things, and yet I keep getting told I will be a wonderful father. How do they know? Are the things that we judge other adults on even factors to a child?
I know one thing for certain. I worry too much. ;)
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