Patience

"Stay downstairs Gavin I am putting the baby to bed", I said. I knew he wouldn't listen but I said it anyway. He followed me. As I was laying his brother down to sleep he opened the closet door behind me with the light on and the baby jostled awake. "Gavin" I growled "get out of here". The baby was starting to cry now and 45 minutes of bouncing and rocking was wasted. I was furious. I pushed Gavin aside in frustration as I closed the closet door to dim the light and tried soothing the baby back to sleep. Gavin tripped and landed on his butt, but he didn't make a noise as he just shuffled out of the room.

I however am crushed with guilt. Am I a bad father? Why couldn't he just listen to me the first time when I asked him to stay downstairs while I put the baby to sleep? Why aren't I more understanding...God help me be more understanding of his curiosities and less selfish with my time. Everyone said I would make a great father, but I feel like I am the bad guy in a damn Lifetime movie or something. Man I feel like crap right now. Does this happen to all fathers?

Valentines Breakdown

Yesterday was Valentines Day. A very special day for Lori and I. I got two cards from Lori. With Gavin on my lap and Logan in Loris arms next to us I read the first card addressed to Daddy:

For Our Daddy

Maybe it's the way you hug,

or maybe it's your smile.

Maybe it's the way you stop

to play with us awhile.

Maybe it's a million zillion things

that make us glad-

We get to be the lucky kids

who have you for a dad.

Happy Valentines Day

With Love

Gavin and Logan

The timing was impeccable - just as I finished reading the card Gavin turned and gave me the tightest and longest hug he has ever given me. Loris eyes filled with tears and as the tears poured from my eyes I just hugged him back and cried. It is moments like these that make me glad I didn't give up on my dream of being a Fire Fighter. Thank you Gavin for making this the best Valentines Day ever. Next to the one that mommy gave me the jar full of reasons why she loves me.