Patience

"Stay downstairs Gavin I am putting the baby to bed", I said. I knew he wouldn't listen but I said it anyway. He followed me. As I was laying his brother down to sleep he opened the closet door behind me with the light on and the baby jostled awake. "Gavin" I growled "get out of here". The baby was starting to cry now and 45 minutes of bouncing and rocking was wasted. I was furious. I pushed Gavin aside in frustration as I closed the closet door to dim the light and tried soothing the baby back to sleep. Gavin tripped and landed on his butt, but he didn't make a noise as he just shuffled out of the room.

I however am crushed with guilt. Am I a bad father? Why couldn't he just listen to me the first time when I asked him to stay downstairs while I put the baby to sleep? Why aren't I more understanding...God help me be more understanding of his curiosities and less selfish with my time. Everyone said I would make a great father, but I feel like I am the bad guy in a damn Lifetime movie or something. Man I feel like crap right now. Does this happen to all fathers?